Pet Peeves in Relationships

Everyone has an internal blueprint or plan on how a household should be put together and how a family should operate.  For instance:  one person may prefer keeping a sponge to the left side of the sink.  Their partner may prefer the sponge be kept to the right side of the sink, or under the sink, or even in a special sponge container.  Every single thing in the house could potentially have an internal “rule” about where it should go.  A more common issue that comes up in marriage counseling is how to load the dishwasher, or just how to process dirty dishes.  And every single activity performed in the family could have a “rule” as well.  These rules are based on a variety of factors:  how we did it in our family of origin, how we did it in previous relationships, or with roommates, or when living alone.  No matter how you learned the rule – it may irritate you, even just a little bit, to see the rule “broken” by your spouse.  Not every “broken rule” will necessarily frustrate or irritate you.  Sometimes you may even prefer the way your spouse does it, and you may change your rule if you see one you like better.

But when something continually irritates you, we can call that a pet peeve.  Some pet peeves are worth mentioning to your partner.  Because your partner may be willing, or even happy to adjust how they do things, if they only knew what you needed – or how you felt every time you came across this breaking of your internal rule.  This kind of marital stress can be helped.

What happens if you don’t communicate is that frustrations, irritation, and resentment can build.  If this builds too much, it can start to affect the quality of your connections with your spouse and so affect the quality of your of your relationship.

Many of the couples I work with have never shared their pet peeves with their partner.  And some spent years trying to share them and finally gave up when they were met with indifference, anger or defensiveness.  Many couples do whatever they can to avoid conflict, and so are never able to share things that have meaning and importance to them, with their spouse.  This limits the quality and depth of the marriage, and increases stress in the relationship.

Here are some approaches to consider, if you want to try to make your life more comfortable and enjoyable, by bringing up some of your pet peeves successfully.

  1. Ask for your partner’s attention first – don’t blindside them.  Example:  “There’s this little thing that has been bothering me, that I’d like to ask you about.  Do you have a couple of minutes to talk about it?”
  2. Make sure you are asking, not demanding something.  This is not the time to work on being “assertive”.  I suggest a fairly passive request format.  Example:  “I wonder if you’d be willing to consider storing the sponge on the left side of the sink, rather than on the right side.”
  3. Be sure you are taking some breaths deep into your belly.  This helps you relax and not create too much tension in the interaction.  No need to be obvious about taking a breath or two.  But…be aware, when tense, many people stop breathing, and a lack of oxygen will not help you think.
  4. Share a feeling or two.  Example:  “When I see the sponge showing up all over the kitchen I feel sad, hurt, and irritated.  I feel better when there is a regular order to where the sponge is.  I feel uncomfortable/anxious/ unhappy/ bad/etc. and my need is for order/reliability/to know that you care about what makes me happy (or whatever your need is).”
  5. You may want to put a “frame” around it to make it easier for your partner to hear.  A “frame” might be something like this introduction to the topic:  “I know this is a very minor issue, but I noticed it has been bothering me, and I wonder if you could help me with it.
  6. Be sure to make the request clear, but do it in a very gentle way.  The example given earlier is usually a safe bet:  “I’m wondering if you’d be willing to __________”.   This  phrasing is particularly useful if asking a man for something.  Men, I have noticed in couples counseling, don’t enjoy the experience of a woman “telling them what to do”, but seem much more open to being asked if they’d be willing to do something.  Try it out for yourself, and see if this works for you.

Everyone has pet peeves.  Some may not be worth bringing up.  After all, you don’t want to criticize or control everything your spouse does.  But some of the pet peeves you have can be communicated, so that you can have a more enjoyable and satisfying life.  Good luck in experimenting with the suggestions mentioned here.

You will find other helpful relationship information on my website:  www.donwallach.com.

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The Nature of Your Fight: How to Avoid Damage to Your Relationship

All couples will have disagreements.  And most couples will talk to their spouse about their opinions and preferences and try to explain what they think is the best approach.  But many couples get into arguments that are never settled, or turn into verbal fights that damage the relationship.  What it comes down to is:  Are you fighting to win or beat your opponent or are you discussing things in order to work out your differences in a way that is thoughtful, caring and respectful of both desires.  We are talking about whether each person has a one person focus or the two person focus. The one person focus means you are just focusing on yourself and your needs.  The two person focus means you are thinking about your needs and your partners needs. The one person undermines the health and strength of the relationship.  The two person focus makes the relationship healthy and strong.

Having a two person focus means you have to care about your partners needs and feelings too.  It means you are open-hearted to your partner.  To have an open-heart means you listen to your partners needs, you ask about why they think what they do, you try to find solutions that take their needs into account, as well as your needs.

Why is this so hard to do, you may ask yourself.  Part of the reason is that when there is a disagreement or verbal conflict, we go into a “fight or flight” state of mind.  This is a reaction the brain does automatically to protect ourselves from danger.  We lose the ability to think and communicate in thoughtful and caring ways.  Instead we operate from the “survival” part of our brain, which functions to protect us from danger: typically by either fighting or fleeing.  When we try to have arguments while our brain is in the “fight or flight” state, we tend to be aggressive, argumentative, fearful and selfish.  This would not be the best state of mind to be in, to solve a problem together with a loved one.

Avoiding fights and successfully communicating will take some changes.  This means changing some of your habits.  This takes practice:  learning some new skills, trying them out over and over, until you can interrupt the “fight or flight” state of mind, and come back into a calmer state of mind, where you can have discussions that are more successful.  In this more open-hearted state, you can work things out with your spouse.

Here’s how to do it:

1)      First, become aware that you are in a state of mind that is the “fight or flight” state.  The things that tell you, you are in it are:  you are fearful, you hear your voice change tone – sometimes a bit of a tremor in your voice, your partner seems like an enemy or desperately crazy in what they are saying, you’re speaking in an aggressive tone, or an unusually logical and dispassionate tone.  No one is listening to the other, but just insisting on their point of view.

2)      Once you are aware you’re in the “fight or flight” state,  take a deep breath.  This will help you shift gears, will get you doing something positive rather than making the fight worse, and will get needed oxygen to your brain, so that it can operate more than just the “fight or flight” center of the brain.

3)      Then try a different approach, ask you partner to explain more about their perspective.  You may also ask how they are feeling.

4)      If you can’t calm down enough to try a different approach, take a break by telling your partner you need to take a break and set a time to continue the conversation at a later moment, whether it’s in an hour or in a day.  Then follow to continue the conversation at the appointed time.

If there has been a fight, remember to apologize.  Your ego may sometimes get in the way and tell you that your partner should apologize first.  This is almost always the wrong approach.  Ideally both of you will be racing to be the first to apologize.  But don’t get caught up in what you think your partner should do.  Take action and responsibility for your behavior, and apologize first.  If you’re always the first to apologize and your partner doesn’t take responsibility for their actions, you may want to consult with a Couples Therapist to get some help with this.  If you would like to learn more about how to offer an  apology that works, try reading my article: The Reparative Apology.

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It’s Not Always Fair!

Every person is an individual, with distinct needs, strengths and weaknesses.  The happiest couples are learning more everyday about who their partner is, and what makes them happy.  And they take action, at least some of the time, to do what it takes to make their partner happy.  And it’s not always fair!

It’s not always fair, because sometimes you may notice your partner’s buttons got pushed.  You said something that triggered one of their “issues”.  And suddenly they’re getting emotionally stirred up, they’re upset, and maybe even they are “going off on you”.  Arguments and disagreements happen.  And your best response may be to step back, to not respond, to stay quiet, or make some soothing remarks.  Maybe you want to respond – you may have a great response to fling back at them.  Yet the caring and loving response is sometimes to hold back.  And in doing that, help them regain composure.  So, it’s not always fair.

But what you do get – if you do that, is a happier partner, and so, a happier relationship and a happier marriage.  And so you end up feeling happier too.  Sometimes this is the art of living – to hold back from expressing yourself automatically, so that you can take care of your partner’s needs.

Now, if you are already doing that – and always doing that – so much that there’s no room for you to express yourself…now that would be really unfair.  And for your happiness, it may be time to consult with a couples therapist.  A couples therapist will help you both sort out your needs and your partner’s needs, and develop a plan for both of you to get your needs met.  And a couples therapist will help you learn some new communication skills, so that you can talk to each other without triggering each other so much.  And you may be creating a happier marriage, and you may be getting alond better with your partner.  And that may feel more fair.

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All the Social Skills in the World

There are thousands of socials skills that exist in the world.  No one can possibly know all of them.  I don’t know all of them, and you don’t know all of them either.  Social skills are not only the things we say, but also those little gestures and actions we do that make social interactions go smoother.   For instance, smiling when you meet someone, putting on a seductive look when you’re flirting, saying thank you when someone gives you something. 

Here’s a social skill not everyone knows, though I think it will seem obvious to everyone who reads this.  When you come home from work, a likely thing to say when you walk in the door is, “Hi honey, I’m home”.  I can’t tell you how common it is for someone to walk in the door and instead start criticizing his/her spouse for not doing some household task or chore.  It could be something about the dishes, vacuuming, mowing the lawn or anything else.  Whatever it is, it’s not going to help your relationship work well.  The thing that will help it work better, is to remember to say, “Hi honey, I’m home…how was your day?”  The exact words don’t matter,  What matters is to start with something positive, not a criticism.  It’s just a simple social skill, but it makes a dramatic difference.  What do you say when you come home?

 Some of the things I teach in the free report “10 Steps for a Happier Marriage” are social skills.  If you practice any of those steps, such as listening more carefully or taking your partner out on a date, you are practicing social skills – skills that make things work better between people.

 While no one can know all the social skills, it’s helpful to learn some new ones.  It keeps you growing as a person, and helps you keep your relationships fresh and exciting too.  Some variety and growth can be healthy for a relationship and keep it from growing stale or boring.

Learning a new social skill is usually somewhat awkward and uncomfortable.  Anytime you do something new, it will usually be somewhat uncomfortable. So, if you try one of the social skills I recommend, you know you are on target if you are feeling awkward doing it.  It’s supposed to feel that way at first.

If you never saw my free report “10 Steps for a  Happier Marriage”, I suggest you order it now.  You will also find some good social skills in the following articles and blog postings:

            How to apologize and repair emotional damage to a relationship

            How to handle explosive arguments

            What to talk about on a date when you experience uncomfortable silence

If you look through my other articles, you will find many other social skills to try out at home.

Keep reading this blog for more social skills, coming soon.  Please let me know if there are any particular social skills you would like to see me write about…or any other relationship questions that you would like me to write about. I look forward to hearing what’s on your mind.

You can always reach me through my website:  www.donwallach.com.  You can also write to me by posting a comment or question on this blog.

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The Lady Gaga Homework Assignment

Men and women have some very different needs.  It is important to understand the needs of your partner. If your partner is of a different gender, you may think that they have the same reality as you because they are also human.  Don’t be deceived by this type of thinking.  Yes…in some ways your partner shares a similar experience of reality…but in some ways they are quite different.

Now…there are always a few exceptions to what I’m about to tell you about the difference between men and women.  Sure, sometimes a man has a similar response to what most women do, and sometimes women have a similar response to what most men do.  But here is something that women frequently complain about — something that men rarely do, but something women want their man to do.  Women complain that their husband/boyfriend rarely takes them out on dates anymore, at least not so much since they were married.  This complaint doesn’t happen in the first year or so, but usually after a couple of years of marriage.

Now what is equally upsetting to women is:  they sometimes do go out and the man seems to have nothing to say.  Maybe some men experience that too about their partner.  But those men are not coming into my office to complain, it’s only the women.  Sometimes also, men working with me individually will tell me that their wife told them it’s upsetting that they seem to have nothing to say.

These two issues: not dating and having nothing to say, are upsetting to women.  Not because they are crazy or have problems, but because women are different.  They do need dates and they need conversation (yes…there may be some exceptions.   Maybe I’ll finally meet one of these exceptions some day).

Rather than fighting reality, I usually suggest that the man adapt to reality…and by doing so, keeping their woman happy.

For a man reading this, taking action based on reality here would mean:  take your wife out on a date…and have something to talk about.  You or she may be bored with talking about work.  It may not feel like a date if you’re just talking about the kids.  So…what do you talk about?

Well, current events could provide a topic.  But if you are a man, out with a women you may want to talk about something that has either emotions or relationships in the topic.  A frequently popular topic that fits the bill is talking about the lives of famous people.  Commonly men don’t seem so interested in this yet women do seem to enjoy this topic.  Yes, there are plenty of exceptions, but in general this seems to be true.

Who’s in the news right now: someone that could have their life or relationship exposed…and maybe someone that does dramatic and sexy things in public?  Well as of the writing of this article: it could be Brad and Angelina…it could even be Jennifer Aniston…or many others.  But a dramatic option could be Lady Gaga.  She’s in the news constantly.  You can find all sorts of information about her on TV, online, in the newspaper and especially in magazines such as People, Us,  or InStyle. 

The “Homework”: What I sometimes suggest to men, is to repress their gag reaction, pick up one of those magazines, get some talking points from them about Lady Gaga, and then…try it out on your wife when the conversation lags, or you find yourself with nothing to talk about beyond work or the kids.  This would be a research project – to see what happens if you bring up this kind of topic.

The point here is not to become shallow and materialistic…just to research what works in creating some interesting conversation and a way to build some kind of connection with your partner.

If you are a man reading this, you may know this research project is for you if your wife has complained that the two of you no longer have anything to talk about.  Even if she has not made that complaint, it would still be good research…just to find out what your wife may respond to.  Either way, you can’t lose:  either you find something that she likes, or you find out she doesn’t like talking about famous people in the news.

And that…is the Lady Gaga Homework Assignment.

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Six Mind-Boggling Myths about Marriage

These 6 astounding myths about marriage may be destroying your happiness with your partner…

When relationships are getting damaged or beginning to fail, couples are usually believing some or all of these six myths.  See if you have any of these beliefs:

Myth #1.    I don’t have to do any special kind of work on the relationship to make it good…it will just happen.

While some relationships seem to just work effortlessly at first, after some time additional skills may be needed to make the relationship work.   For example, at first there may be enough natural excitement to keep the relationship feeling rewarding.  But if someone in the couple stops doing the things that keep the relationship fresh, it will get stale.  If you stop going out on dates, things will probably get boring and someone will end up feeling unloved. 

Hurts and resentments build over time.  If you don’t do things to talk through and repair these small damages to the relationship, they end up turning into big issues that drive a wedge between the couple.

Myth #2.     Once it’s damaged it’s over…there’s no way to repair the damage.

Some people believe that there is nothing they can do to fix hurts and resentments that they have triggered in their partner.  Also, sometimes a person doesn’t want to fix the damage.  They may feel they were right or justified in saying hurtful things.  More often, a person just doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t believe it will be helpful, or has a belief that repair just isn’t possible.  In that last case, they may believe it’s better to just move on, sweep it under the carpet or hope it disappears.

Repair is possible…and highly recommended.  Usually repair involves:

a)      Listening to your partner’s upset without interrupting, defending or explaining why what you did was okay.

b)      Let him/her know that you regret doing something hurtful.

c)      Apologize.  Let him/her know you don’t want to do hurtful things again.

If you’re not sure how to give a good apology, take a look at this article on my website.

Myth #3.   My partner won’t ever change – why even try to go down that road.

I come across this belief a lot.  It’s understandable, but just not true.  People really do change, I see it frequently.  The thing that gets in the way of change is:

a)   Belief it’s not possible.

b)   Fear you’ll lose your real identity  – that you won’t be yourself if you change.

c)   Fear you are just becoming a doormat for your partner…that you lose authority and respect if you change for another. 

d)   Not knowing what change is the right one, or how to do it.

Change is actually more about growth:  becoming a better person, being more effective in the world and in relationships.

If appropriate change is not happening, I recommend you talk to a therapist about that.  A couples therapist would be a likely place to start.  Your couples therapist will help you identify the kind of change that will help you become a more effective person in the world and in your relationship.  I believe everybody can grow and change is positive ways.  The end result of that is more happiness for yourself and your partner.

Myth #4.   I’ll never get the love I desire from my current partner.

Many people have this belief about their partner.  The reality is that many couples who come into couples therapy do improve their relationship.  People do change, relationships do get better.  Relationships that were distant and damaged do become close, loving and definitely repaired.

Now, there is no guarantee of that.  If you are hesitant to do things differently, then nothing will change.

Myth #5.    If your partner doesn’t see things your way, it’s because he/she is defective.

Yes, people really do see things differently than you and it doesn’t mean one of you is wrong.  I see this one frequently in my office when working with couples:  both partners are arguing about what happened during a certain event that created tension between them.  They both remember the same event differently.  The thing is…it doesn’t matter that much…you may not ever agree on the details.  The more important matter is how to work it out.  This means smoothing things over between you two.  Maybe, this means to try an apology, maybe with a plan on how to do it better next time.  And maybe this means acknowledging how the other person is feeling.

Myth #6.  Men and Women live in the same reality.  

Okay, some of this may be obvious…but men and women are different.  Not just physically different, but in how they experience reality.  These differences create some of the biggest problems in marriages.

Usually, women seem to live in a more emotional reality.  When women are sharing their feelings, they need a response that acknowledges what they are feeling.  If the man is trying to argue a point logically, he is not responding to what a woman is actually saying.  He is taking an emotional discussion and trying to turn it into a logical one.  You probably know the results:  she gets angrier, and both of you end up feeling frustrated and distant.

The solution is to learn how to read the nature of the conversation: is it one that is logical, or one that requires an emotional response.  The emotional response is one that involves: listening and understanding another’s point of view without arguing about how she is feeling.

If you want to find more strategies to improve your relationship, you may find the articles on my website useful.

If you try working on any of the strategies mentioned in this blog, I would be like to hear how it went.  You can comment below, here on this page, or send me an email.  If you have suggestions for future blog topics, I’d love to hear about it.

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How to Make your Marriage Thrive!

Couples in trouble are usually wondering what to do to make their marriage really thrive. In couples therapy they are learning new ways to communicate, ways to repair damaged trust, hurt feelings and resentment. But, it’s also helpful to find out what the most successful couples are doing that keeps their relationship close, passionate and filled with that “in-love” feeling.

Here’s what the happiest couples are doing:

• Listening to each other. This always means stopping your own thought process while you are listening. Stop thinking of what you are going to say next and really listen. If you continue to think about your response, you are not really listening. One of the best ways to show you are listening is to repeat back what you hear your partner saying.

• Comparing your to-do list to your partners. Then move your partners top priority items to the top of your list – at least some of the time. Here’s what this means: When you think about all the things that are important to you to do around the house and list them…we can call that your to-do list. Your partner also has his or her own list. While your list is important to you and does require your attention…picking an item from near the top of your partner’s list and doing it for them usually is very well received.

• Thinking about what would make the other happy. You likely know what would make you happy, but do you know what would make your partner happy. We tend to think the same things that we like will also be what our partner likes. This is frequently not true. Sort out in your mind what they actually do want. It is likely they used to tell you and may have finally given up…or perhaps they are still trying to let you know.

• Giving your partner attention when they call or enter the room to talk to you. Your partner is likely the most important person in your life (or was the most important before the relationship got into trouble). You can show the other how important they are to you by answering your phone when they call, or giving them your attention when they enter the room and want to talk to you. If they are thoughtful, they will not necessarily expect your attention if you are watching your favorite show on TV, but, when they enter the room to talk to you, give your partner your full attention, even if this means turning down the volume or turning off the TV to help you focus on one of the most important people in your life.

• Going out on dates. Couples don’t thrive if they are not going out on dates. A date refers to just the couple going out alone. It’s not a date if your children, other family members or friends are there. A date doesn’t have to cost money. You can go to the beach or for a walk.

• Active sex life. The most successful couples seem to be having sex. But you can’t push the other to do it or force them into it. If they are not into it, you may be doing something that is either turning them off or making their sex drive disappear. Perhaps you haven’t been setting the mood well enough, or haven’t apologized for the last conflict (or maybe the last 20 conflicts). Perhaps you have not been demonstrating any flirting or other behaviors that show you like your partner in the days preceding your last attempt to initiate sex.

• Having a list of baby sitters. To go out on dates, if you have children, you will need a babysitter. The most successful couples have a list of trustworthy babysitters. Don’t stop at one person on your list. That’s a great start but aim for at least three.

• Watching your partner’s reactions to what you are saying, and changing what you are saying if you see them reacting unhappily or tuning out. If you are talking and you see your partner get uncomfortable or tune you out, don’t keep talking. Stop what you are doing and find out what their reaction is to what you are saying. In a calm and peaceful manner talk about the issue. Be careful to not keep on talking if they are not able to take in or hear what you are saying.  Ask them how they are doing.  The connection between you two is way more important than the details of what you were saying.

There are many other things that the happiest couples are doing. The items mentioned on this list are issues that commonly show up in couples counseling. You may be able to use these suggestions very successfully at home. If they don’t seem to be working for you, you may want to talk to a couples therapist to get some help in moving forward and making your relationship thrive.

You can get more tips for creating a happier relationship at www.donwallach.com.

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Emotional Arguments & Explosions

I’ve been working with a lot of couples over the years.  One of the most common concerns they bring up are arguments that get too aggressive.  Spouses end up getting emotionally hurt, upset and angry.  While conflicts are a given in relationships, you can dramatically improve how you argue and significantly decrease the emotional damage you are doing to the relationship.

When a conflict is beginning, we tend to think that we know what we are talking about and the other person is wrong.  While this could be true, when an argument is escalating towards bickering, heighted emotion and possibly an emotional explosion, something else is happening.  Once the emotion gets too high, you are no longer thinking so clearly and it is time to pull back, get out of the conversation or try something to repair the emotional distance and damage that is starting.

I’m going to talk about three ways to reduce the damage and improve the communication between you and your spouse.

Recognizing you are losing control of yourself
 
The number one thing to do is recognize that you, not just your partner is starting to lose control.  Then determine, should you get out of the argument, or are you capable or changing your direction and trying some communication skills.

If you are able to do the communication skills, you may try this:                   

  • Active listening: paraphrasing what the other person is saying and ask if you are understanding them correctly.
  • Re-phrase what you are trying to say, but explain it in a toned down way.  And that it is just from your point of view.  In this case, you are recognizing out loud that there are other reasonable points of view.

And if you are not able to do the communication skills, it may be best to get out of the argument.  This next section will help you recognize if you need to retreat temporarily from the argument. 

The feeling that is not your friend

Feelings are natural parts of being human.  And in general, feelings are useful to express, whether it’s sadness, happiness, anger (in appropriate ways), fear, anxiety, disappointment, and all the others.  Except for one…and with couples I am working with, I sometimes call that feeling “the feeling that is not your friend”.  This is the feeling or sensation that occurs when the argument is heading out of control.  You can’t think clearly, your words come out distorted…you may even hear a tremor or shakiness in your voice.  You start getting too aggressive in your comments.  You are barely listening to what your partner is sharing – just quickly shooting down their argument and pressuring them with your next come back.

From a brain standpoint, what is happening is that you are “thinking” at this point with the center part of your brain.  This is sometimes called the animal brain or the lizard brain.  It is a more primitive part of our brain structure.  The outer most layer of the brain is the cortex, this is the part of the brain that is the most human…the other animals don’t have it.  That’s where logic and higher level thinking occurs.  So what do you do with this awareness of your brain? 

Well, here’s the strategy.  You want to get the cortex working again as quickly as possible, or end the argument, coming back to it later.

To get your cortex back online quickly, try this: 

  •  Take a deep breath.  The brain is the biggest consumer of oxygen in your body.  Without enough oxygen, your cortex won’t work well… and your brain will fall back to using more of the animal brain.    Plus, pausing to take a deep breath activates cortical thinking.  That’s because you have to become more conscious just to realize what is happening and to tell yourself to take a deep breath – which means you are activating your cortex.
  • Recognize that you are losing control and tell yourself that. Becoming conscious of it is a major step towards turning things around. 
  • Decide if it’s time for you to take a time out.  

The right use of time outs

Someone in the couple frequently will complain about time outs.  Usually one person always wants to fight out every argument without pause until they are done, and the other wants to flee the argument, finding themselves pursued by the other.  One pursues, the other flees. 

There is a remedy for this.  It does involve taking space for a while.  The partner that always pursues is always upset to hear me say this in couples counseling.  But there is hope here…because there is a better way to do this.

Here’s how it works:   

  • The person who needs space announces they need some space.
  • Before they leave, they say when they are willing to continue the discussion.
  • The other person agrees to meet at the later time.  If it seems too far away or is not a good time they can try to negotiate the time.  But if the argument is too heated and one person really needs space quickly, there may not be much time for negotiating.  The person who needs to leave should be supported in leaving quickly.

The final part of this process is that the person who left, comes back at the time they agreed upon, to continue the discussion.

For couples who try this approach to heated arguments, things will usually get better, trust increases, and affection can return to the relationship.

If you found these tips useful, you’ll want to take a look at some of the articles about relationships on my website: www.donwallach.com.

Especially, take a look at:

·     Repairing your Marriage: The Art of Coming Home From Work

·     After the Baby is Born: Restoring Passion in Your Marriage 

·     Apologies that Work: “The Reparative Apology”

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